


Dear Dean,

by MariaSpade



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Domestic, Domestic Fluff, Dorks, Established Castiel/Dean Winchester, Established Relationship, Fluff, Love, Love Letters, M/M, Marriage, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-10-27
Updated: 2013-10-27
Packaged: 2017-12-30 14:27:03
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,165
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1019736
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MariaSpade/pseuds/MariaSpade
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Castiel writes a letter to his husband, the love of his life, the one and only Dean Winchester. Because speaking can get messy and the right words don't always come so quickly.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Dear Dean,

**Author's Note:**

> Something I actually posted on a roleplaying account, from my Castiel account to my partner's Dean account... So there are mentions of things we've plotted. The family is two dogs, their first date was a lunch date... but you get the point. Castiel ahs fallen from Grace but is not human.

Dean,

Don’t laugh, okay? Just let me finish this letter. I know, it’s silly, writing a letter to the man that sleeps next to you every night, but I had some things I need to say that I can’t ever seem to find the words for. Not when I’m speaking. They get all jumbled up because you look at me with those green eyes and I forget most everything. I don’t know if there’s a word for that feeling. But you make me feel it, whatever it is. 

I guess I can start with thank you. I don’t know where else I would start. But thank you, thank you for loving me. Thank you for trusting me. Thank you for starting a family with me because I don’t know where I would be without you. I can’t even imagine it. If you had never asked me out for lunch I don’t know how we could have met. I might still be working at the library or I might be wasting away somewhere, because I’ve known the lost feeling one has when there’s someone out there just meant for them but they don’t know who it is. I had it before I met you. After I fell and before you came back to me, I was lost. That’s the only word for it. I was lost. I was living day to day and nothing more, just living. With you I live, I love, I grow. I learn. I care. I develop as the person I was maybe never meant to be. I could say you’ve helped me make the best of a bad situation, losing my Grace, but if I had known up there I would have what I do down here, I think I would have traded it in a heart-beat. I would take you over Grace. I would, I know I would. I almost wish I had the choice still so I could prove it. 

After thank you comes I love you. I love you probably should have come first, I love you more than I feel thankful. I love you so much. I think I’ve always loved you, I must have. Maybe I was meant for you, if you believe in that sort of thing. I’m not too sure if I do but I think if I did, I would know I was meant for you. I was meant to be Dean Winchester’s fallen angel. I was meant to start this family with you. I was meant to share cold winters and warm summers with you in South Dakota, or wherever it is we end up. I could end up anywhere with you. Our home is not in Sioux Falls, our home is not the house we live in. My home is you. My home is you and our family. I love you. I love your green eyes. I love your freckles, each and every one of them, and I love how I may never know how many there are across your cheeks and nose. It just means I will always have to stay with you to count them and lose track. I love your smile, I love your wink, I love how you can’t really wink but you try. I love how insatiable you are. I love how you’re always ready to get into bed with me. I love your dimples when you smile. I love your fingernails, I love the way they scratch over my back and dig into my backside. I love your bow legs. I love your hands, big and rough and always loving with me. I love your endless ability to trust and love and care. I love how you have been hurt so many times by so many people but you never give up. You have an endless amount of hope in you. You can always see the good in people and I love that so much. I love you so much. You’re so smart and witty and loyal. You’re so kind. You’re so protective. I love it. I love you.

Do you know the way our bodies fit together? I know you do, so try to remember now because I think it’s important. We fit together like puzzle pieces. Our fingers lock together perfectly. Our bodies press together perfectly, too, your lips fit against mine perfectly and your nose settles in the crook of my neck just right. My lips fit against the hollow of your eye against your eyelid like they were two puzzle pieces, shaped out of the same material. I think we are broken but I think that’s the only reason we could fit together. Every piece of us has seen better days but we have no days better than the ones ahead. Every morning I wake up I love you more than the day before and every night when I go to sleep I think I can’t possibly love this boy more than I do today but the next morning I am wrong. I love you so much more. 

I wish I could marry you again. I wish I could marry you every morning and once or twice before bed every night. I wish I could share our first kiss again, I wish we could share our first night together again, I wish we could go back to our first date and stumble through conversation over pie all over again for the first time and feel the new and different emotions reaching out between us and stretching and pulling us in. I want to feel it for the first time all over again. But the thing is, every time I do feel it, every time I look at you and kiss you and reach out for you, it is like I’m feeling it for the first time all over again. Like every kiss is our first. Each time we sleep together is as passionate and intimate as the first time. It should scare me and maybe it does a little but it’s so thrilling and I think it always will be. Because I’m so comfortable with you, Dean. I’m so happy. I always will be. Can you believe it? 

I know I will never be able to properly find the words that describe how much I love you. No number of letters and no words, as many as I try to write, could ever really describe how I feel for you. I feel weak writing a letter because one isn’t enough, two isn’t enough, no number will ever be enough. It’s a new lost feeling that has settled in my chest but it’s comfortable. Knowing you love someone so much you could never truly tell them in words is a happy feeling, I think. Happy. Comfortable. The sort of things you make me feel, so I think I can deal with never being able to truly tell you how I feel. Because I think you know. I think you understand.

 

Love,

 

Cas


End file.
